The emotions are boiling over and you’re at your wits end. Maybe you’re emotionless because you’ve already given up on the situation.
Whatever the emotion, or lack thereof, the realities of filing a divorce are a little different – they must be looked at rationally. I fully understand how difficult this may be, given the nature of the problem, but asking yourself a few vital questions prior to filing for divorce will save you from further headaches in the future.
Going after what makes you happy and never settling for things that act against your character are two very important ideals. But unfortunately, the world does not always support ideals and you must make decisions that sacrifice (or at least bend) some of your principles. Hopefully, these five questions will help you with your dilemma.
Questions to Consider
Have You Thought About the Consequences? – Assuming that the divorce is not due to abusive treatment or unfaithfulness, have you really thought about what this decision will do to others? If you have a family or struggle alone financially, you may want to really think about whether the divorce is rational or just emotions getting in the way. All marriages have fighting, but asking the true questions of love and commitment may be needed if you have other real-world obligations.
What about the Children? – Many people in modern society claim that you’re not truly married until you have kids. Children are a blessing, but also provide another layer of commitment on the part of adults – both to each other and the new family. When kids are involved, other lives are at stake in your decisions. Ask yourself, “Who will care for the kids?” Many marriages actually stay together because of children, which could be a blessing or a curse, depending on the real problems of the adult relationship. Identifying these problems is crucial to deciding whether to stay together or divorce. Will the child be better off with two separated parents or a potentially dysfunctional family?
Are We Financially Capable of Divorce? – Finances are considered the number one reason for divorces or continual family problems. Ironically, they are also one of the biggest reasons why adults stay together. Joint incomes and tax filings favor marriages in the United States and people find living together as a married couple is more affordable and manageable. In fact, many older Americans (maybe previously divorced) will marry a friend or long-term girlfriend purely for the financial benefits of not being alone. Rationalize the real reason for your divorce and conclude whether you’re divorcing for happiness or because of recent arguments.
It’s a Long, Long Road to Normality – Not only are there emotional rollercoasters associated with divorces, but other issues will also come into play. Temporary orders may be made for custody and financial support, but eventually a lawyer needs to be hired and custody courts will decide who obtains custody of the child and what the financial break-ups may be. After going through this process, many couples decide to stay together because they know the ramifications of their decisions. In fact, courts have a “cooling-off” period built in because of amount of couples who reconsider their decision.
Living Conditions and Ownership – Particularly with families that split responsibility for financial obligations, have joint bank accounts, and co-sign loans or mortgages, divorcing is not simply “putting pen to paper.” There are processes that must be handled during busy schedules that could carry on for long periods of time. Both parties will be responsible for the debt obligations and mortgage payments, and joint bank accounts must be closed to secure cash for both parties.
Every problem has a solution in the world, it’s just that some of them are harder to solve than others. Ask yourself if you’re willing to solve it and what the possible consequences are for finding a solution.
